Mind your Mind Expo
Puzzle pieces
I have known for a year that I have ADHD, and many pieces of the puzzle have fallen into place. Before that, I often searched for the origins of certain behaviors of mine that I couldn't quite pinpoint. Why do I like seeking out excitement? Why can I ruminate on a comment for days or weeks when I am not insecure at all? Now I know: my brain simply works differently. I have learned that when I start ruminating, I am 'thanking' my brain for the information, but there
I just don't go along with it. That might sound a bit weird, but it works for me.
Network
Because of my ADHD diagnosis, I have learned to delegate. That way, I get more done. I have a personal assistant who handles my administration, and I work with someone else. We don't pay each other, but we complement each other perfectly. She is autistic, I have ADHD. She is huge on structure, I am not, but we help each other. That is also my tip: look for someone in your network if you are looking for something. People are eager to help.
Tomorrowland
In 2019, I was living life to the fullest. Things were going well for me, and I had plenty of work. But deep down, I felt incompetent, as if I didn't deserve where I was at that moment. I felt like an 'imposter,' as if everyone was about to find out at any moment that I wasn't good enough. That feeling created a volatile dynamic and destructive behavior. I had panic attacks, blackouts, and was really at war with my mind and feelings. Eventually, at the Tomorrowland festival, I hit a wall, literally and figuratively. I was doing terribly, and I thought something like 'do or die.' At the festival, I was arrested with a large quantity of drugs. Suddenly, I was the center of the biggest media scandal of the year.
Structure
After that, I spent two months in an Antwerp prison. Strangely enough, that also brought me peace. At that time, I was pushing myself so incredibly hard that it was ultimately the best thing that could have happened to me. I was so overstimulated, and then suddenly there was a lot of structure. I didn't have to think about food, about work, or about answering messages. I had a daily routine, exercised, and could do a lot of thinking about myself. When I returned to society, it was difficult to maintain that structure. Especially because of my job, where one moment you have tasks back-to-back and then you have a day off. I would make a list of what I needed to do, but by the end of the day, I hadn't managed to get it all done. I would get frustrated about that.
Rise
After I got into such a tight spot in 2019, and the entire lead-up to it, I realized that a lot of people stood behind me. But also that a lot of people looked up to me. It hurt me deeply that I had disappointed so many people by focusing only on my own pain and not on them. I said to myself: I have to show them that even though I fell flat on my face, it is possible to come back. I thought: if I am honest and tell them what is really going on, then my story can be a story of inspiration. I want to convey to them that you can sincerely change your behavior. By saying sorry, by listening, by being sincere, and by taking responsibility for your actions.
Helicopterview
My message to young people who are in trouble or going through it is: you are not alone. Look within your network for a confidant, whether that be friends, uncles or aunts, or a professional. You have a personal responsibility to build a good network around you. Someone you feel comfortable talking to, so that you can put things into perspective. Don't keep your conversations superficial, but try to address the more difficult topics as well.
Nature
Just before things went wrong in 2019, I called my mother and said: I want to go to the interior of Suriname. The energy there is very different. You hear the river in the distance, the animals, the wind; it is warm. It makes you so calm. I wanted to be in nature. Back to basics. That is going to help me, get back to myself. I feel that environments have so much more influence on us than we realize. The hardness of stones, the buildings—that makes us harder too, I think, and busy, busy, busy. The
Nature is a nice place to clear your head.
