Mind your Mind Exhibition
Career path
Before I became a DJ, I was a professional dancer. Festivals, shows, the entertainment world – I was right in the middle of it. Until glandular fever literally brought me to a standstill. I was exhausted, lost my strength, and had to recover for months. After that, my path shifted to coaching. I guided dancers, models, and artists in performance, presentation, and self-confidence. I also worked as a creative director at Miss Netherlands. There, I helped young women feel mentally and physically stronger. It was a role in which I helped others grow, but was also constantly confronted with my own insecurities.
Setback
Last year, I received the biggest shock of my life: breast cancer. It was discovered in March, and a month later both my breasts were removed. Fortunately, the cancer was removed in time, but the impact was enormous. Femininity isn't about your shape; I know that rationally. Yet, when you look in the mirror, you see a different image of yourself—making peace with that again is a process. It happened so fast that I often thought: what happened to me?
To survive
From the moment of the surgery, I switched into survival mode. Grief, pain – I barely felt it. And while DJ bookings poured in from home and abroad, I lay in bed, broken. You can't choose which emotions to shield: if you don't feel the pain, you don't feel the joy either. Only later, when peace returned, did the grief break through. Sometimes I cry for days, sometimes anger surfaces. Letting that go is a relief. Afterward, I can truly breathe again, enjoy life, and be creative.
Ritual
To bring myself back, I seek out nature. As a child, I could watch ants or insects for hours – that sense of wonder still brings me peace. Another ritual that helps me is while showering. I imagine all my worries flowing away with the water, out the drain. Problems, insecurities, or conversations from the day: I let them go. It sounds insignificant, but it lightens my head and gives me space. For me, such a daily ritual is just as valuable as a long meditation.
New York
New York is my favorite city. But when I arrived there after the surgery, I felt… nothing. As if I was there, but it wasn't sinking in. Until I sat down in a park and started writing. What began as a brainstorm became a kind of love letter to myself: proud of what I had endured. I cried, right in the middle of the park. And after that, I felt it again: I *am* here, in New York, in the moment. That experience taught me that allowing emotions is necessary to be able to feel the beautiful things again as well.
Letting go
When I notice that emotions are stuck, I sometimes consciously look back at photos from the time in the hospital. By seeing those images again, I feel what happened back then. Also, what it must have been like for the people standing beside me. That helps me let go of emotions. After tears, I often feel relief, as if there is room to breathe again. As a child, I witnessed firsthand someone in my immediate circle dealing with anxiety disorders and depression. It taught me not to be afraid of mental problems – my own or those of others. During my illness and due to my role as a caregiver, I did often cross my own boundaries. I think that glandular fever caused a kind of physical burnout at the time. Now I know: you can only take good care of someone else if you have energy yourself. By taking good care of yourself, you don't lose your balance and you can truly be there for the other person.
Praten
Tegen iemand die er doorheen zit – groot of klein – zou ik zeggen: praat erover. Met anderen, of met jezelf door te schrijven. Alles wat je voelt, mag er zijn. Ook kleine zorgen zijn groot genoeg om te delen. Kwetsbaarheid is geen zwakte; het is de sleutel om lucht en ruimte terug te vinden.
Inspiration and staying true
People who inspire me are not necessarily superstars, but people who stay true to themselves. Being authentic, not living up to the expectations of others – that is what I admire. I myself try to be loyal to my own values, even though that changes.
Final thought
Life has taught me: you can make plans, but things can change in a second. My dream of traveling came to a standstill when the diagnosis came. But precisely because of that, I now feel more clearly what truly matters: health, loving people around you, and staying true to yourself. Everything that comes after that – career, followers, performances – is a bonus.
